3 am
by OneEclecticMess
Summary: Edward and Bella had a baby the old fashioned human way and he's just showing some love


**3am**

The moon seemed to be hanging so low, just to the left of the window, a shaft of pale light spilling into the dark room, like it was peeking in to watch over her too. Or maybe it was just the streetlight outside. Edward shifted in the worn armchair, nudging at the thin streak of light with his toe, his warm gaze never leaving her sleeping form and he began to talk, his voice no more than a husky whisper that the moon strained to hear.

"I love watching you sleep, did you know that? The way your eyelids flutter, your hand brushing your nose, how peaceful your breath is, in and out and in, so steady. It keeps time with my heart or maybe it's my heart, keeping time with you, I can't tell anymore. I'm sitting here so still, the rain on the windowpane the only sound other than our breath, yet a part of me, in my mind, is out there, dancing on the rooftop in the puddles, not caring that my hair is dripping wet, nor that the hems of my pajama pants are getting filthy muddy and that with my chest bare in the early April night, I am freezing my ass off. I only care that you're here."

"It was raining the night I met you. I remember it so clearly. I had gotten a phone call and I had rushed out of the office and I think I might've left my mind there on the desk, in between my baseball and the files I had been swearing that I was working on but that I was secretly using as the launching pad for an elite paper clip flicking tournament."

A laugh glinted across his eyes. "Yeah, I must've left my mind there because I couldn't think, the whole ride over, I could barely even tell the cab driver where to go. And when he pulled up at the curb and I got out, I dropped one of the bills I was passing him 'cause my hands were shaking so badly. It floated away down the gutter and I never did see it again, but I didn't care. And when I saw you there, you were a thousand times more beautiful than Abe Lincoln anyway."

He paused, raising a brow with a wry smile. "Not that that is hard, Lincoln wasn't much of a looker, but no one could make it seem quite as easy as you." He chuckled softly at the mess he was making of his words and the sound was rich with love.

"You know, it's funny, I can remember everything about that day- what I ate for lunch; turkey with mayo on rye, those are good. But only from Petey's on Vine- he makes the bread with a special protective coating that doesn't allow the mayonnaise to soak in until just before you unwrap it; I think it's on a timer or something, or at least that's how my theory goes." He shrugged lightly with a flash of a smile before continuing.

"I can remember how Laura, my secretary, came in asking to borrow my bottle of liquid paper for a run in her stocking, said she was all out of nail polish, and I gave it to her and I still have no idea what she was talking about. I remember the note I had found tucked in the pocket of the navy blue trousers I was wearing, one that was written in familiar looping hand and definitely wasn't from Laura. I remember the color the sky was, the sound of my shoes on the pavement as I ran outside, and the smell of the hot dog vendor by the door of the building, the man hoisting his umbrella against the darkening clouds. But I can't remember what I said to you."

Edward scratched his bare foot against the leg of soft blue fabric of his drawstring pants and absently rubbed a hand over his bare chest. "I know it was probably something stupid or painfully banal like "hi" and that you don't remember it either. Maybe it's a converse thing, the more significant the moment, the more trivial the words available to express that. Maybe it's okay that I don't remember what I said, because I remember the way you looked at me."

A smile played on his lips, his whole demeanor softening with the memory, and his gaze was like a gentle caress. "You're still sleeping, not even the rumble of thunder stirs you. The way your mouth is curved slightly, a whisper of a smile tracing your lips, it makes me wonder what you're dreaming about." He leaned forward and brushed a finger over her skin, his touch no more than a breath, then sat back again in the cushioned seat. "And it makes it so much harder for me to leave you."

His eyes mirrored his words, the slight edge of regret bleeding in. "I hate to do it, I don't think I will ever really leave you, not in my heart, but I have to. Because, you see, there's someone else." His breath tripped over his tongue, stumbling from his mouth. "There's someone else I love to watch sleep. Someone else who terrifies and excites me, someone else who has given me broken hearts and butterflies. Someone I love just as much as you."

Edward ran a hand through his dark hair, his gaze shadowed slightly with the past as he tried to explain, his voice husky. "You are new to my life, but she has always been there. She stole my heart in high school and when I tried to take it back, it tore apart and a piece stayed with her. And I can say it in a hundred different ways, but really, it all comes down to basic anatomy- I just didn't work without that piece, without her."

He paused, glancing away out the window for a moment, the memories like the rain outside, pouring down.

"I don't think I'll ever know why she let me back into her life after I left her without a goodbye. Maybe she subscribes to the converse thing too, and knew that for a moment like that, there are no words. Or maybe she just knew, somehow, that I had spent every night dreaming of her as she was then and every day wondering what she was doing now. Whatever it was, I thanked her silently every day, and after a while, I kissed her every night. And I never want to stop."

He turned back as a flash of lightning lit up the room for a blink of an eye.

"You might think it's hard to love two people so much and at the same time, that there's not enough room in the heart, and not so long ago I would've agreed with you. I would've slipped my tie from around my neck and unbuttoned my collar, I would've kicked off my shoes, felt the carpet beneath my feet and looked at her standing over by the window, a smile dancing on her lips as she beckoned me, and I would've said it wasn't possible. That I could not love anyone as much as I love her. But I would've been wrong."

As he drew a breath, he touched the tip of his tongue to his lip almost unconsciously, and his fingers traced a pattern on the faded arm of the chair.

"She was the one who called me that afternoon. It was her voice so urgent, her breath so harsh, that came over the line, her words that made me run from the office without my briefcase or a single thought in my mind. Or my umbrella."

Edward rubbed a hand ruefully over his jaw, rough with two day's growth he hadn't bothered to shave.

"You know that the rain in March is different to other rain? It's harder and colder than the rest of the year, or at least it was that afternoon, and it hadn't stopped when I stepped out of the cab. But I didn't notice. I stood there on the sidewalk, rivers of rain pouring down my jacket, soaking my shirt to my chest, washing the tears from my skin, and I was scared, so scared, because I knew that she was inside that building. And that you were there too."

His gaze shifted, across to the weak stream of light that washed over the floor and when he spoke again, there was a faint glimmer of awe in his words.

"But I went in there, trailing the rain in with me down the corridor, and when I saw you there with her, you made my heart break and you gave me butterflies in my stomach. Just like your mommy."

He stopped, his chest tightening with the thought alone and he looked back over to her. Then he murmured into the dark room, something like a prayer.

"I said that I love you as much as her. But maybe there's no way of measuring it. You are everything, and she gave you to me."

A shadow slipped over the shaft of light and Edward turned to find Bella standing in the doorway, his old t-shirt she wore to bed reaching only to mid thigh, her hair slightly mussed from sleep and a beautiful smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

"Edward, it's 3am," she whispered and he gave her a sheepish grin, a happy exhaustion shadowing his eyes.

"I couldn't sleep," he told her as she crossed the short distance to where he was sitting. His arms enfolded her as she nestled on his lap, her legs brushing his, her body so warm from the bed she had just left. She rested her head against his and together they watched their baby daughter sleep in the crib.

"She's so beautiful," Bella whispered, her breath skimming over his cheek in a shimmer of warmth.

"She gets that from me," Edward confirmed and he knew she was rolling her eyes.

"Then I suppose she gets my brains?"

Edward grinned. "Yeah, that's why she hasn't managed to utter a single syllable yet," and Bella chuckled sleepily into his hair and he drew her closer to him, his thumbs sketching lazy circles over her back.

"She's a month old" she nudged her head against his, then slid out of his embrace and pulled him up from the armchair. "Come back to bed."

He kept hold of her hand, his eyes pausing one more time on the sleeping baby. "I just wonder if she'll ever know how much I love her." He turned back to Bella, a slight uncertainty marring his eyes and she gave him a gentle half smile as she whispered.

"I'll know."

And Edward pulled her to him, brushing her hair away from her face, her eyes shining in the moonlight and when he bent his head to whisper in her ear, he wasn't talking about their daughter.

"Do you?"

She closed her eyes and smiled. "Yeah."


End file.
